Product still gets 5 stars
SEATTLE, WA – In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the online shopping community, a chilling ancient curse has been discovered lurking within an Amazon review for a seemingly innocuous product. Despite this terrifying discovery, the product in question has maintained an impressive 5-star rating, leaving many to wonder about the unfathomable power of this sinister malediction.
It all began when a concerned customer, known only as “ShopperBeware,” shared their harrowing experience in a review for a set of novelty coasters. “I should have known better than to purchase these cursed coasters,” the review read. “Ever since they arrived, my life has been plagued by a series of unfortunate events that defy rational explanation.”
According to ShopperBeware, the strange occurrences began with minor inconveniences, such as misplacing keys and wallets, but quickly escalated to more severe incidents. “My car broke down on the highway, and when the tow truck arrived, the driver claimed he saw a shadowy figure lurking in the backseat,” the terrified customer wrote.
Intrigued by this unsettling account, renowned curse expert Dr. Zelda Stryker took it upon herself to investigate the matter further. “At first, I was skeptical,” Dr. Stryker admitted. “But upon closer examination of the review, I uncovered unmistakable signs of an ancient Amazonian curse.”
“The specific phrasing and language used in the review are strikingly similar to curse inscriptions found in long-lost Amazonian temples,” she explained. “It appears that this curse was inadvertently activated when the coasters were manufactured, likely using materials sourced from a cursed region.”
In a chilling turn of events, Dr. Stryker herself claims to have experienced the curse’s effects firsthand. “Ever since I began my research, I’ve been plagued by nightmares of a shadowy figure lurking in the depths of the Amazon rainforest,” she confessed, her voice trembling.
Despite these spine-chilling accounts, the cursed coasters continue to receive glowing reviews, with customers praising their functionality and stylish design. “I don’t know what everyone is so worked up about,” wrote one satisfied buyer. “These coasters are the best I’ve ever owned, and they haven’t brought me any bad luck… yet.”
“It’s almost as if the curse itself is compelling people to leave positive reviews,” speculated ShopperBeware, their voice tinged with desperation. “Perhaps it feeds off the positive energy, growing stronger with each glowing endorsement.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
