GENERATION Z DECLARES SLEEPING “CRINGE”

New trend involves 72-hour energy drink-fueled study sessions

BERKELEY, CA – A shocking underground movement sweeping college campuses nationwide has mental health professionals sounding alarm bells as Generation Z students begin rejecting one of humanity’s most basic biological functions: sleep.

The disturbing trend, which insiders are calling “The Great Awakening,” involves students consuming dangerous cocktails of energy drinks, pre-workout supplements, and caffeine pills to stay conscious for up to 72 hours straight while cramming for exams. What started as typical college all-nighters has morphed into a full-scale war against what these young rebels now dismiss as “boomer sleep culture.”

At UC Berkeley, sophomore marketing major Skylar Chen proudly displays the dark circles under her eyes like badges of honor. “Sleep is literally so cringe,” Chen declared while downing her seventh Red Bull of the day. “My parents’ generation spent like a third of their lives unconscious and they wonder why they never achieved anything. We’re breaking the cycle of biological oppression.”

The movement appears to have originated on TikTok, where videos tagged #NoSleepChallenge have garnered over 47 million views. Students document their marathon study sessions, filming themselves in various states of caffeinated delirium while peers cheer them on in the comments. The most extreme practitioners, known as “Sleep Resisters,” claim to have developed techniques for micro-napping while standing upright during lectures.

Campus health centers report unprecedented spikes in emergency room visits for heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, and what medical staff describe as “stimulant-induced psychotic episodes.” Yet students continue pushing the boundaries of human endurance, treating sleep deprivation as the ultimate flex in academic achievement.

The pharmaceutical industry appears to be capitalizing on this dangerous fad. Energy drink sales near college campuses have increased by 340% over the past six months, with convenience stores now stocking specialized “study stacks” – carefully curated combinations of stimulants marketed specifically to sleep-depriving students. Some products contain caffeine levels equivalent to drinking 15 cups of coffee simultaneously.

Dr. Miranda Blackwood, a sleep researcher at Johns Hopkins University, warns of catastrophic consequences. “What we’re witnessing is nothing short of a coordinated assault on human circadian rhythms,” Dr. Blackwood explained. “These students are essentially conducting uncontrolled experiments on their own brain chemistry. The long-term neurological damage could be irreversible.”

Underground sleep resistance groups have reportedly formed secret societies on campuses, complete with initiation rituals involving 96-hour consciousness marathons. Members allegedly use code words like “horizontal surrender” for sleeping and “consciousness warriors” for those who’ve successfully avoided sleep for over a week.

The movement has spawned its own economy, with enterprising students selling “alertness coaching” sessions and black market stimulant cocktails through encrypted messaging apps. Some dormitories have transformed into 24-hour study bunkers, with windows covered in blackout curtains to eliminate any natural circadian cues.

Parents across the nation report their college-aged children exhibiting bizarre behavioral changes during phone calls – speaking in rapid, incomprehensible streams of consciousness about “transcending biological limitations” and “unlocking humanity’s true potential through wakeful enlightenment.”

Perhaps most disturbing are reports of sleep-depriving students attempting to recruit others into their movement, using peer pressure tactics reminiscent of cult indoctrination. They target exhausted classmates, claiming that embracing sleep deprivation will grant them superhuman academic abilities and social status.

As finals season approaches, campus security has been placed on high alert for what experts predict could be a “stimulant-fueled academic apocalypse” unlike anything higher education has ever witnessed.

The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.