Spain bans siesta – population protests by sleeping longer

Government clueless

MADRID, SPAIN – In a shocking display of bureaucratic overreach that has stunned the international community, the Spanish government’s unprecedented ban on the sacred siesta has backfired spectacularly, triggering a nationwide rebellion of epic proportions as millions of defiant citizens respond by sleeping even longer than before.

Sources close to the Ministry of Labor confirm that Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez’s administration secretly implemented the siesta prohibition last Tuesday through an emergency decree, citing “economic productivity concerns” and pressure from shadowy European Union technocrats who have long viewed Spain’s afternoon rest tradition as an obstacle to their globalist agenda.

But the Spanish people have responded with characteristic passion, launching what experts are calling the most ingenious form of civil disobedience in modern European history. Instead of the traditional two-hour siesta, reports flooding in from across the Iberian Peninsula indicate that citizens are now engaging in marathon sleep sessions lasting anywhere from four to eight hours daily, effectively grinding the nation’s economy to a complete halt.

“They want to take away our siesta? Fine! We’ll show them what happens when you mess with Spanish culture,” declared Maria Gonzalez-Fernandez, a 43-year-old shopkeeper from Seville who was spotted emerging from a local park after a six-hour afternoon slumber. “Yesterday I slept from 1 PM to 7 PM. Today I’m going for eight hours. My mattress is my weapon of resistance!”

The government’s response has been nothing short of chaotic. Emergency cabinet meetings have been called at all hours, only to be repeatedly postponed as ministers themselves have been caught napping in violation of their own decree. Interior Minister Fernando Grande-Marlaska was reportedly discovered unconscious at his desk for four consecutive hours yesterday, clutching a half-eaten bocadillo and muttering “no más siesta” in his sleep.

Dr. Heinrich Schlafmann, a behavioral psychologist at the Institute for European Sleep Studies in Brussels, warns that the Spanish uprising could spread to other Mediterranean nations. “What we’re witnessing is a textbook case of psychological reactance on a massive scale,” Schlafmann explained via encrypted video call from his bunker-like research facility. “When you tell an entire population they cannot sleep, their subconscious minds rebel by demanding even more sleep. The Spanish government has essentially weaponized narcolepsy.”

Intelligence sources suggest the siesta ban was actually orchestrated by a consortium of German and Dutch productivity consultants who have been quietly infiltrating southern European governments for years. Their alleged goal: to transform the relaxed Mediterranean lifestyle into a hyper-efficient Northern European work culture, thereby increasing profits for multinational corporations.

But the plan has catastrophically backfired. Barcelona’s financial district has become a ghost town as bankers conduct “horizontal meetings” on park benches. Madrid’s government offices resemble field hospitals, with bureaucrats sprawled across hallways in various states of slumber. Even the Prado Museum has had to install “quiet zones” where visitors can engage in “solidarity siestas” alongside the artwork.

The situation has grown so dire that Spanish military units have been placed on high alert, though sources indicate that most soldiers are too drowsy to respond to orders. Air traffic controllers at Barajas Airport have reportedly taken turns napping in the control tower, leading to several commercial flights being redirected to Portugal.

As the crisis enters its second week, political analysts predict the government will be forced to capitulate or risk total societal collapse. Opposition leader Pablo Casado has called for immediate elections, declaring from his own makeshift bed in Congress, “This government couldn’t manage a lullaby, let alone a nation.”

The international community watches nervously as Spain’s sleep rebellion threatens to spread across Europe’s southern borders.

The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.