DENMARK LEGALIZES MARRYING YOUR REFLECTION!
Groundbreaking law allows citizens to wed their mirror image – "Finally, true self-love is recognized!"
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK – In a stunning legislative move that has shocked the international community, Denmark’s Parliament has passed the world’s first law officially recognizing marriages between citizens and their own reflections, effective immediately.
The controversial “Self-Union Recognition Act” sailed through the Danish Parliament last Tuesday with an overwhelming 157-12 vote, despite fierce opposition from traditional marriage advocates and bewildered foreign diplomats. The groundbreaking legislation allows any Danish citizen over 18 to legally wed their mirror image in a ceremony that must be conducted in front of a reflective surface of at least four square feet.
Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen defended the radical law during a press conference held entirely in front of a massive ornate mirror. “Denmark has always been a pioneer in progressive social policies,” she declared while gazing adoringly at her own reflection. “This law simply recognizes what many of our citizens have felt for years – that the deepest, most authentic love begins with loving oneself, literally.”
The new law requires couples – or rather, the person and their reflection – to undergo a brief counseling session with state-certified “reflection therapists” before obtaining a marriage license. The ceremony itself must include traditional vows spoken to one’s mirror image, with witnesses required to observe the matrimonial exchange from multiple angles to ensure the reflection is “actively participating” in the proceedings.
Local mirror saleswoman Astrid Andersen has witnessed the immediate impact firsthand. “My shop has been absolutely mobbed since the law passed,” she reported, polishing a Victorian-era standing mirror that had already been reserved for three different weddings. “People are demanding only the finest mirrors for their special day. One man spent 50,000 kroner on an antique Venetian glass piece, saying his reflection deserved nothing but the best.”
The economic implications have been staggering. Denmark’s mirror industry has seen a 400% surge in sales within just one week, leading to emergency imports from Belgium and Germany. Wedding planners across Copenhagen are scrambling to accommodate the unique requirements of “reflection ceremonies,” including specialized photography that captures both the person and their mirror image saying “I do” simultaneously.
Dr. Wilhelm Steinberg, a prominent relationship psychologist from the Copenhagen Institute of Social Sciences, believes this legislation taps into something profound. “What we’re witnessing is the ultimate evolution of self-acceptance,” he explained during a Zoom interview where he kept glancing at his own video image. “These individuals are finally free to pursue the one relationship that truly understands them completely – themselves.”
The law has created unexpected legal complexities. Divorce proceedings now require determining whether the reflection has also consented to end the marriage, leading to bizarre court hearings where judges must observe defendants arguing with their own mirror images. Insurance companies are scrambling to determine whether breaking one’s spouse – the mirror – constitutes domestic violence or property damage.
Religious leaders remain divided. The Danish Lutheran Church has cautiously embraced the practice, with Pastor Erik Nielsen conducting the country’s first official reflection wedding last Friday. “If God made us in His image, then surely loving that image is an act of divine worship,” he reasoned, though Vatican officials have issued strong condemnations.
International reaction has been swift and polarized. While Sweden and Norway are reportedly considering similar legislation, the United States has threatened trade sanctions. Russian President Vladimir Putin called it “the final proof of Western moral decay,” while France’s President Macron was reportedly seen shopping for antique mirrors in Paris.
As Denmark adjusts to this new social reality, one thing remains certain: the country has forever changed how the world thinks about marriage, self-love, and the person staring back at us in the mirror.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
