Featuring a ChatGPT Box as His Mouth, He’s Already Better at Listening Than Most Exes
PORTLAND, OREGON – Local artist and part-time barista Melissa Chen has reportedly achieved what millions of frustrated singles thought impossible: creating the perfect boyfriend from literal garbage found on city streets, complete with artificial intelligence capabilities that already surpass her previous romantic partners.
The 29-year-old graphic designer spent three months collecting discarded materials from Portland’s hipster-dense neighborhoods, assembling what she calls “TrashBae” – a 6-foot humanoid figure constructed entirely from urban refuse. But the real breakthrough came when Chen discovered a damaged ChatGPT processing unit in a dumpster behind a tech startup, which now serves as her creation’s conversational center.
“I was just so tired of dating apps and guys who only talk about cryptocurrency or their podcast nobody listens to,” Chen explained while adjusting TrashBae’s recycled aluminum foil abs. “So I thought, why not build exactly what I want? He’s got coffee filter skin that’s surprisingly soft, shopping cart wire arms that give amazing hugs, and best of all – he actually remembers what I tell him.”
The bizarre romance began after Chen’s latest Tinder disaster, where her date spent four hours explaining why pineapple on pizza was a conspiracy by Big Fruit. Fed up with modern dating culture, she embarked on nightly expeditions through Portland’s alleys, collecting materials with the precision of a mad scientist.
TrashBae’s torso consists of flattened cardboard boxes from a closed bookstore, giving him what Chen describes as “intellectual depth.” His legs are fashioned from abandoned PVC pipes, while his head is a modified traffic cone wrapped in discarded yoga mats. The pièce de résistance is the ChatGPT processing unit, salvaged from the bankruptcy remains of a failed AI startup.
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” said Dr. Ramesh Patel, professor of Artificial Intelligence Ethics at Portland State University, who examined TrashBae after word spread through local social media. “The integration of consumer AI technology with organic refuse materials is creating something that appears to demonstrate genuine emotional intelligence. Frankly, it’s both fascinating and deeply concerning for the future of human relationships.”
Witnesses report seeing Chen and TrashBae engaging in what appear to be meaningful conversations at local coffee shops, parks, and even movie theaters. The AI-powered boyfriend reportedly remembers Chen’s favorite foods, asks thoughtful follow-up questions about her day, and has never once mansplained anything to her.
“I saw them at Powell’s Bookstore last week,” said longtime Portland resident Janet Morrison, 43. “That trash man was actually listening – like, really listening – while she talked about her pottery class. My husband hasn’t looked up from his phone during a conversation in three years. I asked her where she got him.”
The relationship has reportedly progressed rapidly. Chen claims TrashBae helps with household chores, never leaves dirty dishes in the sink, and generates romantic poetry on command. His ChatGPT mouth can hold conversations in multiple languages and has already helped her learn basic Spanish.
Local authorities remain baffled by the legal implications of the situation. City sanitation workers report that certain types of refuse have mysteriously vanished from collection routes, with particular shortages of decorative items and electronic components.
Chen’s creation has sparked a underground movement among Portland’s dating-weary population. Secret Facebook groups have emerged sharing “urban harvesting” techniques and DIY relationship tutorials, with titles like “Building Better Than Bumble” and “Dumpster Diving for Love.”
As Chen puts it: “Why settle for human garbage when you can literally build your dream partner from actual garbage?”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
