Grogu pictured drinking three
TATOOINE, NEW MEXICO – Former Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker has stunned the galaxy by abandoning his lightsaber for a blender, opening what insiders are calling the most mysterious juice bar in the outer rim territories. The establishment, cryptically named “Blue Harvest Wellness,” serves exclusively blue milk smoothies in what experts believe may be part of a larger Force-based conspiracy to control the minds of unsuspecting customers.
Located in a converted moisture farm just outside the small desert town of Tatooine, New Mexico, Skywalker’s operation has been shrouded in secrecy since its soft opening three weeks ago. However, explosive photographic evidence obtained by this reporter shows the diminutive green creature known as Grogu—also called “The Child” by government sources—consuming not one, not two, but THREE full-sized blue milk smoothies during a single visit.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” said Martha Henderson, a local real estate agent who witnessed the shocking scene while driving past the establishment. “This tiny green thing, maybe two feet tall, was just chugging these blue drinks like his life depended on it. Luke was standing there with this weird smile, moving his hand in circles like he was stirring something invisible. It gave me the creeps.”
The blue milk, according to classified agricultural reports, doesn’t come from any Earth-based creature. Sources within the Department of Interplanetary Agriculture confirm that Skywalker has been importing the mysterious substance through what can only be described as “unconventional channels.” The milk’s otherworldly blue hue and alleged mind-altering properties have raised serious questions about what exactly customers are consuming.
Dr. Evelyn Cortez, a xenobiologist at the Institute for Galactic Studies, warns that the implications could be staggering. “Blue milk contains compounds we’ve never seen before on Earth. When combined with what appears to be Force manipulation during the blending process, you’re looking at a potentially dangerous psychoactive beverage. The fact that this Grogu creature consumed three servings suggests either an incredible tolerance or something far more sinister.”
Surveillance footage leaked by anonymous sources shows Skywalker using what can only be described as telekinetic powers to operate multiple blenders simultaneously, while chanting in an unknown language. The footage, timestamped just hours before Grogu’s visit, reveals the former rebel hero adding mysterious crystalline substances to each batch—substances that shimmer with an unnatural energy.
Local health inspector Roland Tate attempted to investigate the establishment last Tuesday but was reportedly turned away at the door. “Luke just waved his hand and told me these weren’t the health codes I was looking for,” Tate said in his official report. “Next thing I knew, I was driving home with no memory of why I’d gone there in the first place.”
The connection between Skywalker and Grogu runs deeper than most realize. Intelligence sources suggest the two have been collaborating on secret projects since the fall of the Empire, with blue milk serving as some kind of Force-enhancing catalyst. Grogu’s ability to consume three smoothies—each containing enough blue milk to incapacitate a normal humanoid—points to either genetic modification or ongoing mystical experimentation.
Customers who have managed to purchase smoothies report strange side effects including prophetic dreams, temporary telepathic abilities, and an overwhelming urge to move objects without touching them. One patron, who requested anonymity, claimed she could suddenly understand her cat’s thoughts after consuming just half a smoothie.
The establishment operates under suspicious circumstances, opening only during binary sunset hours and accepting payment exclusively in credits from “a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.” Local banking authorities are baffled by the currency’s authenticity and untraceable origins.
As this investigation continues, one thing remains clear: Luke Skywalker’s innocent-seeming juice bar may be the front for the most ambitious mind-control operation the galaxy has ever seen, with the insatiable Grogu serving as either willing test subject or co-conspirator in this blue milk mystery.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
