Still counts pin
SCRANTON, PA – A routine professional wrestling match at the Scranton Civic Center has shattered the very fabric of reality, leaving referee Bobby “Lightning” Martinez stranded in 1983 while the match continued in present day—and sources confirm he still managed to count the decisive three-count from four decades in the past.
The temporal catastrophe occurred during Tuesday night’s grudge match between local favorite “Thunderbolt” Tommy Kowalski and visiting heel “Mad Dog” Murphy, when their simultaneous finishing moves created what quantum physicists are calling a “localized chronological rupture.” Witnesses report seeing a brilliant flash of purple light emanating from the ring, followed by the inexplicable disappearance of referee Martinez mid-count.
“One second Bobby was there slapping the mat, counting ‘one, two,’ and then BOOM—purple lightning everywhere,” said eyewitness Dolores Krampinski, who was sitting ringside with her bowling league. “Next thing we know, we hear his voice coming from thin air, shouting ‘THREE!’ like some kind of wrestling ghost. Gave me the shivers, I tell you.”
The phenomenon has attracted the attention of Dr. Reginald Blackthorne, a theoretical physicist from the Institute for Paranormal Science Studies, who believes the incident represents the first documented case of athletic-induced time displacement.
“What we’re dealing with here is unprecedented,” Dr. Blackthorne explained via encrypted telephone. “The combined kinetic energy of two 300-pound men executing high-impact maneuvers simultaneously appears to have created a temporary wormhole. The referee, caught in the epicenter of this chrono-vortex, was instantaneously transported to 1983—but remarkably, his consciousness remains tethered to the present timeline.”
Investigation has revealed that Martinez’s temporal displacement deposited him in the exact same location on March 15, 1983, during a Def Leppard concert at the very same venue. Concertgoers from that era reported seeing a confused man in a striped shirt materialize near the stage, frantically counting to three while “Photograph” played in the background.
Even more mysterious is the discovery that Martinez can somehow still perform his referee duties across the decades. Arena security cameras captured audio of his disembodied voice calling match violations and maintaining order, despite his physical absence from the current timestream. Wrestling Commission officials have ruled that since Martinez never technically left his post—merely shifted his temporal coordinates—all his decisions remain legally binding.
The implications extend far beyond professional wrestling. Government sources, speaking on condition of anonymity, confirm that the Department of Homeland Security has quietly established a perimeter around the arena, while teams of scientists work frantically to understand and potentially weaponize this breakthrough in time manipulation technology.
“This changes everything we thought we knew about the space-time continuum,” whispered a federal agent who identified himself only as “Agent X.” “If a simple wrestling match can tear holes in reality, imagine what other sporting events might be capable of. We’re already investigating reports of chronological anomalies at several NASCAR tracks and a bowling alley in Nebraska.”
Meanwhile, Martinez continues his otherworldly officiating duties, with arena technicians rigging a sophisticated speaker system to amplify his voice from 1983. Promotion officials have announced that all future matches will feature “Temporal Referee Bobby Martinez” until a solution can be found to retrieve him from the Reagan era.
The wrestling world remains divided on whether this supernatural development enhances or compromises the sport’s integrity, though ticket sales have reportedly increased 347% since news of the time-displaced referee broke.
Martinez himself, reached through a complex system involving rotary phones and analog radio equipment, remains committed to his profession despite his unusual circumstances, stating he plans to continue officiating “whether I’m in 1983, 2024, or the Stone Age.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
