Dog demands half the winnings in bacon
TULSA, OKLAHOMA – In what may be the most extraordinary case of interspecies financial collaboration in recorded history, pet psychic Madame Zelda Moonwhisper has won the state’s largest lottery jackpot—$47 million—by allegedly tapping into the prophetic dreams of her three-year-old Golden Retriever, Nostradamus.
The shocking victory has sent ripples through both the paranormal and gambling communities, as Moonwhisper claims she decoded the winning numbers from vivid dream sequences transmitted telepathically by her four-legged fortune teller. But the story takes an even more bizarre turn: Nostradamus is now reportedly demanding half the winnings be converted into premium bacon strips.
Moonwhisper, 42, who operates “Paws & Prophecies” from her converted Victorian mansion on the outskirts of Tulsa, says she first noticed Nostradamus’s precognitive abilities three years ago when the dog began whimpering specific numerical sequences during his afternoon naps.
“At first, I thought he was just having normal doggy dreams about chasing squirrels,” Moonwhisper explained during an exclusive interview, her crystal-adorned fingers nervously stroking Nostradamus’s golden fur. “But then I realized the whimpers followed distinct patterns—short barks for single digits, long howls for double digits. The mathematical precision was undeniable.”
The breakthrough came last Tuesday when Nostradamus experienced what Moonwhisper describes as his most intense prophetic episode yet. The dog allegedly transmitted a vision of floating bacon strips, each emblazoned with glowing numbers: 7, 14, 23, 31, 42, and the Powerball number 18.
“I saw it clear as day through his consciousness,” Moonwhisper insisted. “Strips of applewood-smoked bacon dancing in cosmic formation, each piece pulsating with otherworldly energy. The numbers weren’t just random—they were a divine message channeled through Nostradamus’s superior canine consciousness.”
Skeptics within the Oklahoma Lottery Commission have launched a quiet investigation, though officials publicly maintain the win was legitimate. However, sources close to the commission reveal growing concern about what they’re calling “the bacon demands.”
According to leaked documents, Nostradamus—through Moonwhisper as his translator—has formally requested $23.5 million worth of artisanal bacon products, including rare Iberico ham, Japanese Kurobuta pork belly, and a lifetime supply of organic, free-range bacon treats.
“I’ve been in the lottery business for twenty-three years, and I’ve never seen anything like this,” confided a commission insider who requested anonymity. “The dog apparently refuses to participate in future ‘lottery collaborations’ unless his bacon demands are met. There’s talk of hiring animal lawyers.”
Dr. Reginald Barksworth, a leading expert in animal telepathy at the Institute for Paranormal Pet Studies, believes this case could revolutionize our understanding of interspecies communication.
“What we’re witnessing here challenges every assumption about the limitations of canine consciousness,” Dr. Barksworth stated. “If dogs can indeed access cosmic lottery frequencies, we may need to reconsider the entire structure of gambling regulation. Should animals be required to pay taxes on psychically-obtained winnings?”
The situation has become increasingly complex as Nostradamus allegedly continues transmitting additional demands through Moonwhisper. Recent requests include a custom-built dog mansion with temperature-controlled bacon storage, a personal chef specializing in pork products, and voting rights in all future lottery number selections.
Legal experts are baffled by the unprecedented nature of the case. Attorney Gloria Pawsworth, who specializes in animal rights law, suggests this could set dangerous precedents.
“If we acknowledge Nostradamus’s contribution to the lottery win, are we legally recognizing dogs as gambling partners?” Pawsworth questioned. “What happens when every pet psychic in America starts claiming their hamsters predicted winning scratchers?”
Meanwhile, neighboring states are reportedly monitoring the situation closely, with several already drafting emergency legislation to prevent similar “psychic pet lottery schemes.”
As this investigation continues, one thing remains certain: Nostradamus shows no signs of backing down from his bacon demands, and Moonwhisper appears committed to honoring their supernatural partnership.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
