Teens now infecting themselves on purpose
ATLANTA, GA – Health officials are scrambling to contain what they’re calling the most bizarre COVID-19 side effect yet discovered: a shocking mutation that turns infected individuals’ hair a brilliant neon green color. But in a twist that has authorities baffled, teenagers across the nation are deliberately seeking out the virus to achieve this otherworldly look.
The phenomenon first emerged three weeks ago when 16-year-old Madison Fletcher of suburban Denver noticed her brown locks transforming into an electric lime shade after recovering from what seemed like a routine COVID infection. Within days, photos of Fletcher’s luminescent hair flooded social media, sparking a dangerous trend that health experts warn could have catastrophic consequences.
“I thought I was going crazy when I looked in the mirror,” Fletcher told reporters outside her high school, her hair glowing like a radioactive beacon under the afternoon sun. “But then my friends started saying it was the coolest thing they’d ever seen. Now everyone wants hair like mine.”
The Centers for Disease Control has identified at least 47 confirmed cases of what they’re dubbing “Chromatic COVID Syndrome” across 12 states, with the numbers climbing daily. Sources within the agency, speaking on condition of anonymity, reveal that this particular strain appears to be a previously unknown variant that specifically targets melanin production in hair follicles.
Dr. Marcus Thornfield, a virologist at the controversial Blackwater Institute for Biological Research, believes the mutation may not be entirely natural. “The precision with which this variant affects only hair pigmentation is frankly suspicious,” Thornfield explained during a clandestine interview. “We’re looking at genetic modifications that seem almost… designed. The timing, the specificity, the visual impact – it’s as if someone wanted to create a walking advertisement for infection.”
Underground “COVID parties” have reportedly sprung up in major metropolitan areas, where teenagers pay upwards of $200 to spend time with confirmed carriers of the green hair variant. Parents and school officials are horrified to discover that students are sharing drinks, utensils, and even deliberately coughing on one another in desperate attempts to contract the virus.
The most disturbing aspect of this outbreak may be its apparent connection to several major hair care corporations. Financial records obtained through anonymous sources show massive stock purchases in neon hair dye companies just weeks before the first cases emerged. Coincidence? Industry insiders suggest otherwise.
“There’s definitely something bigger going on here,” whispered a former employee of a major pharmaceutical company who refused to be identified. “We’ve been tracking unusual research projects involving viral vectors and cosmetic applications for months. This isn’t random mutation – this is biological marketing.”
Social media platforms are struggling to contain the spread of “Green Hair Challenge” videos, where teens document their deliberate infection attempts and subsequent hair transformations. The hashtag #NeonCovidHair has generated over 2.3 million posts, with influencers offering sponsorship deals to successfully infected individuals.
Government health agencies maintain their official stance that seeking infection is dangerous and potentially deadly, but leaked internal memos suggest growing concern about what one CDC official called “the weaponization of vanity.” The documents reference emergency protocols for containing “aesthetic bioweapons” and hint at classified research into similar appearance-altering pathogens.
Most troubling are reports from affected families describing personality changes in their green-haired children. Parents report increased aggression, pack-like behavior, and an obsessive desire to convert others to their condition. Some researchers theorize the virus may be affecting more than just hair follicles.
As authorities race to understand and contain this unprecedented outbreak, one thing remains clear: the intersection of viral infection and social media has created a perfect storm of biological chaos that may be impossible to stop.
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
