Demands BBC dramas only
NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, ENGLAND – A smart TV has seemingly been possessed by the ghost of a Victorian-era gentleman who demands the constant viewing of BBC period dramas, leaving one local family utterly perplexed and terrified.
It began innocuously enough for the Wilkinson family. They had just purchased a brand new smart TV to replace their aging set. But little did they know that this modern marvel would soon become a haunted portal to the past.
“At first, we just thought the TV was malfunctioning,” said Janice Wilkinson, a mother of three. “It would randomly switch to BBC One in the middle of our shows, and we couldn’t change the channel no matter what we did.”
The strange occurrences quickly escalated, with the TV’s volume increasing on its own and the channel permanently locked on BBC’s latest Dickensian drama. That’s when the ghostly figure appeared on the screen, dressed in an immaculate Victorian suit and top hat.
“You there!” the specter bellowed in a clipped, aristocratic tone. “This modern drivel is an assault on my senses. From henceforth, we shall only partake in the finest British dramas befitting a gentleman of my stature.”
Despite the Wilkinsons’ pleas and attempts to unplug or even smash the TV, the ghostly presence remained undeterred, its ethereal form flickering on the screen.
“It’s as if this spirit has merged with the TV’s circuitry,” explained paranormal expert Dr. Edmund Ravenswood. “We’re dealing with a highly intelligent haunting, one that has adapted to modern technology in a truly unprecedented way.”
The ghost, who identifies himself as Lord Reginald Fortesque, has proven equally articulate and demanding. He rails against what he calls the “vulgar indecency” of contemporary programming, insisting on a strict diet of BBC classics like “Pride and Prejudice” and “Bleak House.”
“This poltergeist is a right snob, if you ask me,” complained young Billy Wilkinson, 12. “All he wants to watch is that boring old stuff with people in silly wigs and dresses.”
But Lord Fortesque’s haunting goes beyond just controlling the TV’s content. He has also begun to manifest other unsettling phenomena, from flickering the lights to rearranging the furniture in a more “proper” Victorian style.
“It’s like living in a bloody museum,” groaned Mr. Wilkinson. “I’m half-expecting the old codger to demand we all start speaking in ridiculous accents and drinking tea from bone china cups.”
Paranormal investigators and tech experts alike have flocked to the Wilkinson home, baffled by the melding of ancient and modern forces. Some have suggested performing an exorcism, while others theorize that Lord Fortesque’s spirit may be somehow drawing energy from the TV’s electronics.
For now, the Wilkinson family remains trapped in their own home, held hostage by a stubborn specter with an affinity for BBC costume dramas and an utter disdain for anything even remotely contemporary.
“One does hope this dreadful haunting can be resolved presently,” Lord Fortesque declared haughtily. “A gentleman should not be subjected to such appalling vulgarity in his own viewing quarters.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
