CIA warns: “Stop flossing”
ROSWELL, NM – In a shocking revelation, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has warned the public to stop participating in TikTok dance challenges, claiming that aliens have embedded spyware into the popular routines. According to a highly-placed source within the agency, the extraterrestrials are using the viral dance moves as a cover to gather sensitive data on human behavior and potentially control our minds.
“We’ve been monitoring TikTok for some time, and our analysts noticed a disturbing pattern,” said the CIA insider, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Certain dance moves, like the ‘Renegade’ and the ‘Savage’ challenge, seem to be designed to activate hidden programming in our brains, making us more susceptible to mind control.”
The whistleblower went on to explain that the aliens have been using TikTok as a Trojan horse to infiltrate human society. “They’re capitalizing on our obsession with social media and pop culture,” they said. “By disguising their nefarious plans as harmless dance trends, they’ve been able to gather massive amounts of data on our movements, habits, and even our thought patterns.”
The CIA’s warning has sent shockwaves through the TikTok community, with many users vowing to delete the app from their devices. “I can’t believe I’ve been doing the alien’s bidding all this time,” lamented Sarah Jenkins, a high school student from Topeka, Kansas. “I thought I was just having fun and going viral, but now I realize I was being used as a pawn in some kind of extraterrestrial mind control experiment.”
However, not everyone is convinced by the CIA’s claims. Dr. Ethan Weiss, a renowned psychologist and expert on viral internet trends, remains skeptical. “While the idea of aliens using TikTok dances to control our minds is certainly intriguing, there’s simply no scientific evidence to support such a claim,” he said. “It’s far more likely that these dance challenges are simply a byproduct of our innate desire for social connection and self-expression.”
Despite the skepticism, the CIA is urging people to exercise caution when participating in TikTok dance challenges. “We’re not saying you have to stop dancing altogether,” the insider clarified. “Just be aware that every time you do the ‘Savage’ dance, you might be unwittingly sending sensitive data to our alien overlords.”
The characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or to actual events is unintentional and purely coincidental.
